Here's a daffy idea straight outta what one local columnist often calls the Department of Redundancy Department:
With much fanfare, the L.A. Auto Show just announced its 2005 theme: "Design Los Angeles!" (Cue dramatic drumroll loop that runs until your speakers blow out or the guy in the next cubicle shoots you.)
That's right, commute-slaves. The show that world-premiered the never-built Volkswagen Dune and 2004's unavailable Dodge Kahuna wants to push Los Angeles car design as the global model for automotive cool, and they're challenging SoCal designers to come up with the "Ultimate L.A. Machine" ...
Sorry, but SoCal already owns a portion of the world car market, with major design shops for VW, Lincoln, Ford and other bigs already stationed here and turning out hits like the Audi TT and not-hits like the cute-but-cashiered Ford Thunderbird.
Granted, the Auto Show is a trade convention as much as an enthusiasts' show. It makes good sense to park a slick little mini-conference for CAD-jockeys and sheetmetal demons at its heart.
But what will they come up with to answer the "L.A. Design Challenge" that could possibly meet the needs of real Angelenos? Sure, you can count on them to slap together a half-dozen kandy-kolored, tangerine-flake streamline gumdrops fitted with green hybrid engines, 30-inch chrome spinner rims, collision-avoidance sensors and onboard hands-free cellphones running heads-up wireless displays of showtimes for Fast and Furious 3 at the Cinerama Dome.
But where's the $2,500 contractor's pickup with 4x8 bed and never-slip plywood and ladder clamps that goes 85 miles on a gallon of used cooking oil?
The luxury convertible with an invisible shield that blocks the sounds and smells of its obnoxious, perfumed, cellphone-using occupant from everyone else?
The unbreakable, polarizable 720-degree, plexiglass cockpit with complete wraparound mirrors to help me spot and avoid idiot SUV barge captains who keep making snap 80-mph lane changes in front of me without without head-checks?
The park-anywhere sportwagon fitted with Dean Kamen wheelchair technology so that you can leave it standing up on its rear wheels in the ubiquitous tiny "compact" spaces and avoid the inevitable door dings?
And where are the damn self-piloting flying cars? To be fair, you've got another 12 years to figure that out, if L.A. is ever to become the flame-belching dystopic hive envisioned in Blade Runner, but get to work guys. We're running out of space.
L.A. needs creative, real-world vehicles that answer the hydra-headed demon of the daily commute. Anyone care to imagine what "Ultimate L.A. Machine" the designers should really be working on?
Posted by: mack_reed on Tuesday, July 13, 2004 - 08:59 AM
